I thought I’d start sharing a bit about myself, besides my love of fat folks and my hatred of the patriarchy. So welcome to TMI Tuesday, where I will tell you a story about moi! Won’t be weekly, because I’m not interesting enough to have that large a supply of stories, but will pop up now and again.
When I was 18 I bought a hot pink thong that was covered in silver glitter. All I can tell you is that a really catchy pop tune was playing in the store at the time, and it got into my head and made me buy these awesome but ridiculous panties. I ended up very glad that I owned them, because they led to a fucking hilarious moment.
I was at my then-boyfriend’s, wearing the panties, messing around with him. Eventually the panties came off and he went down on me. Some funsexytime passes and he drives me home. He came into the house to say hi to my mother… And she laughs and says, “Why do you have glitter all over your face?” Whoa nelly. I can’t remember what transparent lie I mumbled, but I don’t think my mother ever put two and two together. (I showed her the panties when I bought them but I did my own laundry and don’t think my mother kept a log of my undies.) The boyfriend was a loser and all-around horrible person, but this remains one of my favorite memories.
Buy yourself some glittery panties! You can have funsexytimes in them and then smile when your partner goes out with a glittery mug. Good times, good times.