TMI Tuesday: Lube to the rescue

I’ve been constipated once in my life, and boy, was it a doozy.

When: 2am during a heat wave

Where: The third floor, un-airconditioned bathroom of my parents’ house

Who: Me, naked and sweating on a toilet

What: Three days of feces failing to come out of my ass

You guys… I cried.  Like, my-best-friend-showed-my-diary-to-my-crush crying.  The world didn’t make sense any more, it was just a cruel, dark place, full of sweat and pain.

After more than half an hour of straining and grunting and crying, I cut my nails, lubed the fuck out of my fingers, and disimpacted myself.  I eased my fingers into my anus, and did a swirl-and-scoop.  The relief was almost immediate, and I kept crying, but in joy.  I feel like it’s weird (sad?) that of the two times in my life I cried out of happiness, one of them was while I dug poop out of my butt, but there it is.

People, eat your fiber.


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